"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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