I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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