she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
