I want to make a zoo with you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
