haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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