I skipped work to stalk him.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
