If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is Oprah even human
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