She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
