I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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