Pants 0. Shit 1.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
