First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
