My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
