Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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