the condom got lost in my hair
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
