She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A+ Viking dick
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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