The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My dick has a subreddit
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
