if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
