Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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