Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
