I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
