I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
