party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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