pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
