OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
