you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
