she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How does one acquire holy water?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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