I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
