You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
