Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
