Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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