Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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