I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
