I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
