come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
