he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
