Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
