I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
