your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
