Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
