Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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