9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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