YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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