So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
