at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
