I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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