So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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