I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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