Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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