have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
