your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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