i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
